Commence rapture! The goddess is out of retirement and back in FHM

Pamela Anderson is having nipple issues. “I saw a billboard for my upcoming A&E Biography,” Pamela says, barefoot in jeans and a tank top. “I'm wearing a wet shirt but you can't see my nipples. They airbrushed them out! I'm like, 'You don't know me at all. My nipples can stick through anything!'”

Men the world over had to stick through 14 Pamela-free months after the bombshell announced her retirement in FHM last May. But like a spectacularly breasted Lazarus, she's back, starring in Fox's new comedy Stacked. Pamela brings life experience to the role: Her character, Skyler Dayton, is a former party girl with a bad track record with men. Unlike Pamela, Skyler works in a crappy bookstore. But is Pamela looking to shift down a gear and get out of the spotlight like her character? Hell no.

“Should I slow down?” Pamela asks FHM. “Sorry, I didn't realize I was speeding, officer.” Right you are, ma'am. Carry on.

So, about those nipples.
I can cut glass with my nipples. They're always on call-a shot of espresso or a shot of tequila goes straight to them.Your new TV show is called Stacked. That's ironic, right? I don't know how they came up with that title. I'm working with real actors, so I have to be on my toes. They have their hands full-a couple of hands full-with me.

You told FHM in our May 2004 issue that you were retiring from TV. You lied to us.
Well, I don't think I ever got started as an actress. V.I.P. killed me for three years. I wanted to stay home with the kids; now my kids have school. I drop them off every morning and I go to work.

Does the bookstore in Stacked carry your best-selling novel, Star?
No, they're very snobby.

Who wrote War and Peace?
Tolstow.

Tolstoy. Name a Hemingway book.
Didn't Hemingway write Personal Best? No, it was Mariel Hemingway who was in the movie Personal Best. Shut up! No more hard questions.

Skyler, your character, is intimidating. Is Pamela?
No, I'm a girl's girl. From what people have said to me, they can relate to things I'm going through.

Do women ever hit on you?
Oh yeah. My mom has said that she wished I were gay-I don't think she likes my taste in men.

Do women ever ask to touch you?
Well, the stalker who snuck into my house wrote me a letter saying, “I'm not a lesbian, I just want to touch you.” But I have to know you before I let you squeeze my boobs. Do you want to?

Certainly. Is it us, or have they gotten bigger?
They're at the same place they've been for a long time. I think of my breasts as props.

What have you learned about men in your dating career?
Nothing! [Pamela's cell phone rings] Look, it's Stephen!

The Dorff? Are you still dating?
Yes. He's fun, he's sweet, he's sexy and he serves a purpose in my life.

We love his Dorff on Golf videos.
He does not make golf videos. He's never golfed in his life.

How did you meet the Dorff?
He asked me out years ago, but I thought he was too young. But then I saw him and noticed that he'd become cuter. I looked at him and I said, “Did we ever?” And he goes, “No.” Then I said, “But you wanna?”

How is he with the kids?
Scared shitless at first, but I told him my kids are my life. They think he's great because he's normal. He's far from normal, but he's natural.

Have your boys started to show any interest in girls?
The other day we were at a restaurant. I said to them, “One day, you guys will bring a girl here.” Brandon was like, “Well, Mom, I think I'll ask the girl where she wants to go.” He's so on the right track. We had a birthday party, and this girl-long blond hair, braces-was chasing him and he was running for his life. And I thought, “God, I remember being that girl.”